Oh. Oh dear.
Zhou Haoyu felt like he should be annoyed, like he should be beyond irritated with himself. Instead he flushed, just about resisted the impulse to twist a lock of his long hair around a finger like he was 15 years old again, and smiled brightly at his phone.
He'd had a few somewhat serious relationships in the past, but not a one had made him feel like the stereotypical infatuated teenager he'd read about in the books of his youth. The sort who'd kick their feet and giggle while gazing at the back of their beloved's head, then send scented love-letters posted shyly through a locker slit. It was so, so silly, and yet, here he was!
…not that he was going to consider actually sending a love letter. Yet. Mostly because he thought Xu Shu might melt into the floor if he got such a thing.
Unfortunately, as he considered what clever thing to text back, something cut through his floating, wonderful joy, bringing him back down to earth in one of those devastatingly rare moments of clarity that usually never bothered to interfere with one of his ‘moments.’ Haoyu didn't even know if his sweet crush was into men yet, did he? Probably best work that out soon or he might have to spend the rest of his days staring into the dark depths of a wine glass, because this was heading straight into ‘head over heels and in so deep he wasn’t ever getting out of it’ territory. Right. His sisters would be rolling their eyes at him right now if they knew what was going on, and he wouldn’t even be able to blame them.
He glanced back down at his phone, at the cute little smiling face that was Xu Shu’s first ever emote in their text conversations, and thought hard for a moment. The prospect of asking Xu Shu in a straightforward manner was just too much, too frightening in a way Haoyu couldn’t bring himself to face, but there was another option. That option still made him feel a little nervous, absolutely, but in a way he knew was ridiculous, and he could handle that. He’d handled it many times before in the past, after all.
Not doing much tonight, he texted back. Tomorrow night will be much busier! I do a voluntary evening once a month… somehow always end up signing up for the busiest tasks...
Right. Step one. He put the phone down and ran his hands down his face, taking a deep breath to steady himself while he waited for the response. It didn’t take long before the phone buzzed, and the noise made him startle. Yeah, Haoyu really did deserve those eye-rolls, huh.
It’s a good thing to do. :) Another smiley face… normal for most, ridiculously cute from Xu Shu. If it’s okay to ask, what’s the voluntary evening for?
What was that about ‘a little nervous’ he’d thought earlier? Try ‘actually feeling sick.’
Social mixer with a bit of fundraising. Haoyu typed it out slow, feeling the sweat start to gather on his brow. For a queer charity that helped me out a lot. Gotta give back, right?
The fact Xu Shu’s next reply took a little over five minutes might have been some of the most agonising torture Haoyu had ever gone through. He’d already begun preparing for heartbreak, which was what this was supposed to help avert, which told him it was already too late to avoid his fate of drowning in sweet wine, by the time it arrived. What was with his heart’s infuriating dramatics about this?
I’m proud of you. Proud? The word made Haoyu’s face burn to an absolute fever, enough that he didn’t notice the follow-up text for a moment, caught up enough in ‘what that might mean’ as he was. That wasn’t the sort of thing he was used to hearing from his oft-unsure Xu Shu. Which one? I did some free work for one months ago, setting up their sound gear. We might have passed each other by without even knowing!
…what? Haoyu stared at the words before him, blanking, almost, before sending off a quick reply with the details. Free work? That wasn’t… that wasn’t helpful in getting the information he wanted, was it? Probably? The way he’d phrased it as work rather that volunteering gave it a very different vibe. Like he’d been hired and waived the fee, or something. It could just be Xu Shu’s way of writing throwing him off too, of course, but… but… Xu Shu was being very confusing and rending Haoyu’s sly, brilliant plan completely useless!
Another reply.
Yes, that’s the same one. They have me on the list for helping with audio work again in a few months.
…and Haoyu himself replied:
Guess we’ve passed each other by before, and just didn’t know it!
Then, in an overwhelmed and maybe frustrated whirl of self-pity, he threw himself backwards fully onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling like it had personally offended him. It wasn’t like there was anyone else Haoyu could blame, so the ceiling was going to get the full force of his fury. And no, he wasn’t going to pay attention to the little voice reminding him that he could just straight out ask rather than trying to circle around the problem. Too frightening, too much, beyond what anyone should expect from a human! This was ridiculous… and so was he, he knew it, he was aware. When things weren’t so intense Haoyu had absolutely no problem flirting and laughing and finding out what he needed to know even if it usually came with at least a little bit of anxiety. This level of emotion towards a crush was just a lot more than he was used to. Sure, he’d liked many men, been attracted to plenty, and had those few attempts as a proper relationship, but they’d never lasted. There was a reason his family called him flighty (though he ultimately disagreed with that description). His career and friendships were about his only constants in life; if romances didn’t go well, if a hobby didn’t pan out, if he got three days into a holiday and decided it wasn’t the place for him, well, he left whatever it was behind without fretting about it, mostly. Only a few times had he ever been subjected to this kind of dramatic torment by his emotions!
The idea that it only happened whenever he’d found a special something that completed him in some way, well, that was an idea beyond a teenager’s romance novel, it was more like something out of an over the top trashy romcom. At this point Haoyu half felt he’d deserve the heartbreak, for thinking that way.
Bzzz!
I don’t think so?
That was a bit of a literal response, wasn’t it? Haoyu truly did feel he’d have to give up on this less brilliant than expected endeavour, at least for the moment, when a second text popped through from Xu Shu.
I’d remember meeting someone with a face as handsome as yours. :)
Haoyu metaphorically combusted. Every single other thought he’d had in his head blew up. Xu Shu had never, not once, made a flirtatious comment that couldn’t be seen in any other way before. There’d been time when Haoyu had wondered about something his friend had said, dwelt upon a turn of phrase that felt full of intent yet might not have been at all, but this? His heart raced as the anxiety all but dispelled, flooded instead with excitement so fierce and overwhelming it left him grasping for words because what to say to that? What right words to use? Could he continue on with the theme of the night and bust out a quip worthy of a romantic hero? Or, no… no, that really was silly, wasn’t it. Some sense was needed! Haoyu smiled, he smiled from ear to ear, willing his feet to reach the ground for one moment (an admittedly difficult task when so flooded with feeling). What to say?
Xu Shu beat him to it, with his third text in a row, one in which Haoyu could almost hear the traditional Xu Shu ‘umm’ slide in before the actual words.
Sorry. Was that too much?
If anything could cut through Haoyu’s crap with swift efficiency, it was an unnecessary Xu Shu apology. He fingers finally made a reply before he could even think of one.
No, of course not! If anything I’d like even more of it.
Damn, that was awful. But it was fine, it would do. Haoyu inhaled softly, steadying himself, and thought very hard about Xu Shu’s occasional awkwardness and how awfully his own attempts at communicating had gone tonight. How Xu Shu had managed to make it work out anyway, even if none of it really deserved to to grace the pages of a love story (Haoyu’s part in this certainly didn’t, at least). Now they’d broken past the one barrier that had made Haoyu so hesitant and messy, he owed it to Xu Shu to make it easier on them both, and fortunately he was feeling a lot less scared right now and a whole lot more like a man ready to seize the day! Mostly.
Best get his words down before he left Xu Shu uncertain (again).
I feel like we should talk in person. Much less of my nonsense that way. ;) You’re not working tomorrow, right? You could come over?
The following ‘please say yes’ chants did not, fortunately, have to last too long, and the reply saw a lovely metaphorical dawn rise into Haoyu’s life.
You’re right. I’ll come by after 1, if that’s okay?
A whole morning of fretting lay ahead, it seemed. Not that he was so worried about the chances of acquiring his sweetheart of a crush as a boyfriend anymore, but by Haoyu’s (less than stellar) reckoning, this had a very good chance of counting as something of a first date, and he’d originally planned an exciting day of lazing around with a head full of unwashed hair wearing whatever remaining clean clothes were at the top of the pile in his drawers. That was firmly out of the window, replaced with something far better, but that meant he was starting from behind and very regretful about his choice not to do the laundry earlier in the week.
Hopefully Xu Shu would like the results regardless. Haoyu looked down at his phone, and as he typed out one final reply for the night, finally gave in the urge to curl a lock of hair around his finger.
Of course. See you then. ♥